unpolished thoughts 3/12/2019
Sleepy, but awake. Instead of being asleep. The day has started. Awake, not totally ready, but awake. Available for action.
Still fresh, still wondering what the day will bring. Everything is open. Everything is possible.
A sitting meditation with breath and a heartbeat, counting breaths with the heartbeat as a metronome.
Thoughts creep in, as always, but it’s good enough. It’s a practice.
I’ve forgotten how long it’s been now. Perhaps two years of daily meditation?
Such an incredible difference.
Silence and stillness are filled with riches. They are the opposite of nothing because neither one truly exists. Sitting meditation reveals a constantly evolving landscape of motion and sound.
When the meditation ends, the sound and motion continue. They are ever present.
Listen to any constant sound and you will hear that it varies.
Today, I noticed the inconsistent rhythm of my heart, the constant small adjustments. It’s a phenomenon called heart-rate variability. It’s been studied. It actually reflects an individual’s level of emotional adaptability.
If you run your finger very slowly along the length of your jaw bone, from one ear to another, you’ll find many places where the line deviates. There are many little divots and angles hidden by the skin. Nor are they the same on the two sides of your face.
Trace around the sockets of your eyes and you’ll find the same thing.
It’s who you are – not who you think you are.
It’s worthwhile to find out who we are every now and again, especially if it wasn’t the person we were expecting.
Isn’t it wonderful to know that we aren’t so predictable?
Listen to a conversation between two friends on a bus. What are they talking about? Is it so predictable that you can anticipate where they will take it? What new unexpected stories emerge?
Get in your car and drive your familiar route. Notice what’s different today. It’s different every day if you pay attention.
Nor does your coffee taste the same as yesterday, even if it evokes nearly the same sensation.
It’s comforting to have familiarity, predictability, symmetry and other constants. Even if they rarely truly exist.
If everything is the same, you’re probably not fully awake, fully present. You’re letting your mind fill in the gaps, and it will do so in such a way that it makes the world seem to make sense.
That’s why so often we don’t understand why things aren’t the way we think they are supposed to be.
Everything was fine yesterday and the day before, wasn’t it? So why shouldn’t it be the same way today? I don’t understand.
These are ideas that come one after the other, perhaps following a theme, certainly following a feeling, not entirely sure if they tell a story.
Can they make sense if they don’t tell a story?
We seem to like to find the beginning, middle, and end of things.
This is the end.
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